Maverick's birth story
Part 1
I am not going to lie...it has taken me almost a full year to be able to write this out. If you have read my post on my mental state of pregnancy then you will know this was a really hard thing for me to go through. I hate being vulnerable and I am almost ashamed to say I used to not even be able to think about my birth story because it would have me in tears just to think back on. Now, of course I can see with open eyes how blessed we were to have everything work out the way it did and I will forever be grateful for every single person who had a helping hand in my labor and delivery story. Okay, before I go on I do want to say, when I was pregnant I always hated hearing everyone elses scary stories and pains, so if your a preggo right now, or are thinking about it, this was not an average story and a lot of the time everything goes as planned and a happy healthy baby arrives no problems!
Now a little back story here to kind of help you see what we had going on prior to labor. A couple weeks before, we were rushed to labor and delivery due to lack of movement of the baby and weak vitals. After spending a full day at the hospital monitoring him, we were released and told everything would be ok we would just need to go in to monitor him again. After that scare we were pretty nervous to have him arrive early. We had just decided to list our house on the market after renovating the last 7 months. We were running around like crazy and my husband had also just started his new position that required him to travel, which in turn had given me the role of taking care of house showings while being ready to pop. I had gained 90 pounds during my pregnancy and I was so swollen I had pockets hanging off my ankles. I got to the point where I started to retain everything. I was in so much pain and couldn't stand for very long due to the swelling. After I hit 36 weeks I started to have contractions and by my 37 week checkup I honestly did not think I could hold this baby boy in much longer.
The beginning of the week hit me like a truck, I had found out the night before my husband had to leave town one of my dear friends had passed away in an accident. The loss of a friend is a whole different kind of pain, you just want to txt them, or call them so you can hear them say it didn't happen, instead you hang on to all of the memories and wished you had appreciated simpler times a lot more. There was so much stress and pain mentally that I think I started to go into survival mode. My husband was gone for a few days and my contractions started to get to the point where I had to sit down in hopes they wouldn't progress while I was home alone.
Thursday morning came around and Spencer was going to be home later that night and even though I was still greiving, for some reason it felt like it was going to be a good day. I had my app and found out I was 80% efaced and 1 cm dilated. Since it was my first baby my Dr. informed me it might take a little longer and I could be like this for a few more days, or even a week. So I figured I would be fine to keep chugging along. Excitement did start to kick in though when I started talking to my mom and she told me what all that actually meant. I had a lot going on that day and had a showing an hour later so I ran home to pick up dirty clothes, clean mirrors and wipe down counter tops. As I was picking up a laundry hamper full of random items to run to my car I felt like I possibly peed myself. Like, I thought maybe I did just a little, but when I went to check on things nothing too crazy happened so I disregarded it...BAD MOVE KAYLEEN. I think deep down I knew what had happened, like my water definitely broke, but I had so much I still had to do that day that I just kept going. I got everything into my car and our fist showing of the day arrived and we had about 5 back to back, so I figured I would go to my aunt and uncles house to kill time. My Aunt and Uncle live about 35ish minutes away so I had some time to sit and actually take a minute to feel what was going on. I thought maybe my contractions where getting worse, or maybe I was just being a baby so I decided to call my mom. She started to time my contractions they were about 6-7 minutes apart, but were not lasting for too long, so we made a plan that once I got there to run to the bathroom and just check to see if I was leaking, because surely if my water had broke I would know. Once I got there I checked to make sure everything down there was good, (everything looked normal) but then I started to feel real crampy. I sat down and called Spencer to make sure he would get home a little sooner than later. I grabbed some food and just relaxed for a bit and just felt like something was a little off. A few hours past and Spence finally made it to my aunt and uncles. By the time he got there and we all had talked for a while and it was getting to be around dinner time. I still remember clear as day, my uncle invited us to stay for dinner and just as spencer had said "STEAKS, HECK YA!" I had the feeling clear to me that I needed to get to the hospital. I remember just saying no, I think we better go home and on our way we went to grab my hospital bag.
Once we got the house we collected our things and spruced up the house for showings the next morning. Now both of us kept saying we would be back and there was no way my water had broke because there was no sign of it we were just going to go to be safe. When we had arrived to the hospital our first nurse got us settled and started to ask what was going on. After talking with her and letting her check out (excuse me for this part) my pad to see if there were any signs of labor she commented there was no way my water been broken, there should be a lot more signs and the pad was completely dry, but she wanted to swab me just to make sure. Please keep in mind when I thought my water had broke it was 12:30 earlier that day and it was 7:30pm when we got to the hospital. Our nurse told us it might take a little for the results and so she was able to check in a couple of times, each time commenting on how she didn't think we would be staying tonight and me telling her we couldn't anyways because of how much we had going on. Well, let me tell ya...her face when she walked into our room for the third time with those results looked like..."OH MY GOSH, this lady just told me how much was going on and how she can't stay here and I have to tell her..." and sure enough she said "surprise!!! your staying"
okay, I literally went into shock. I started shaking and panicking and LITERALLY asked if I could just go home and come back when it started to hurt. Can you tell I had done my homework on deliveries? haha I didn't know a damn thing.
They wheeled me over to labor and delivery and got me all set up ready to go. Spencer was in shock just as much as me and trying to call our parents to get the two crazy grandmas on their way. While we were going through all the paperwork they decided to start my IV. I was so swollen however, they had to have an ULTRASOUND to find the vein in my arm. Yes, very pudgy arm for sure. That was not the only time that happened either.
My first delivery nurse was the sweetest older lady who helped calm my nerves. Seriously she was the best. Spencer had left to grab a few more things from home, so she kept me company and helped me understand what they heck I was about to do. By the time he got back and all the paperwork was done we wanted to try to induce labor naturally by walking around. It felt so insane to be walking around with spencer in the hallways with my monitor, I was like "yep, here I am in labor, its me having the baby tonight, not all you 36 weekers who are trying to have your early, noooo its my turn." I am not going to lie, I still felt like I just had period cramps, or something. The pain was not what I had expected at first. It wasn't until we found out my mom and Spencer's mom decided to drive through the night and Spencer decided to go to sleep that the pain really started. Every so often my nurse would come in and would have me get up and try sitting on the ball, or walking some more. So I would get up out of the bed walk a little and then move to the ball and try to just breath. After repeating this a few times I started to feel like I just wanted to lay down. We had only a few hours to get things going before we had to start pitocin, but at that point I wasn't too worried because I could feel pain. I think around 3 o clock the pain started to be a lot stronger and the contractions felt like sharp pains all throughout my whole body. I can't even explain well enough how it felt because I had never ever felt this kind of pain before. My nurse came in and asked if I wanted to try to get in the bath, or walk some more and by that I was really struggling, so I asked for an epidural. It took a couple of hours for the anesthesiologist to get to us, but when I saw his cart... man I was so ready for that freaking needle.
another disclaimer...I would get an epidural again, this one just did not go as planned and a lot of the time it goes perfectly!
After talking with me for a few minutes and explaining what was going on it was time to have my epidural. We still aren't exactly quite sure why, but for some reason I was not the easiest person to give one to. I honestly think it was because of how swollen I was. He tried four different times. It got to the point where my husband and my nurse had to push my shoulders and the anesthesiologist was pushing behind me just trying to get it to work. He would try, I would feel every bit of it and then he would pull it out. Each time he would pull it out he would ask me to bring my knees closer to my chest. I was like.... uhhhh hello, first of all Im fat with human and second of all I called you in here to take care of the pain, not make me work even harder, but I could not talk and I honestly thought at one point I would rather him not give me the epidural because with the pain of the contractions, trying to stay still in a curled up ball and feeling the needle work its way in my back for the last 45 minutes with no success, it surely must be easier to just skip it all together. They did ask my husband if he wanted to leave the room when things started to get a little bit more agressive. Thank the heavens he said no and my nurse was amazing. I honestly felt like she was feeling everything I was feeling and kept me calm. After one final attempt and feeling that stupid needle crack its way in, it finally happened! He got it to work and I was able to relax. As all of this was happening our moms had shown up and tried to get into the room in the middle of everything, but were told to leave. My nurse let them know she would come get them when we were ready for visitors. When I say my nurse was amazing, I mean I love her. She got me all situated and said "now you have had a long night, that was not easy and so I will let them come in and talk for five minutes, but then I am kicking everyone out and you are going to sleep." I do not think my mom, or Spencer's mom would have not let me sleep, but it was an exciting time and I know I would have stayed up to talk to everyone and enjoy the party, so to hear I didn't have to keep my eyes open for more than five minutes made me the happiest girl in the world!
I maybe slept an hour.
I couldn't feel the contractions any, but they were on the monitor so we would watch. They didn't look like very big ones and for the most part I was ok other than pressure down below. After a little while they started me on pitocin and we had a nurse change. Things were still going okay, I was pretty uncomfortable and just had a catheter put in so I was kind of getting adjusted and trying to get sleep where I could. They needed to switch IVs again so I needed to have another ultrasound done on my fat arm to find the vein and by then I was just uncomfortable and bored. I was scared out of my mind, but kind of like...I didn't feel like anything was happening. I kept thinking I was progressing and just didn't even know it because in my head I should be screaming when I was getting closer, but I was just uncomfortable, so part of me was a little confused. When my Dr. would come in every few hours I was still at the same 2cm dilated. However, even though I was already uncomfortable the pain started to get worse. I could start to feel my contractions again. My mom and mother in law came to talk to us and that helped distract me for a bit. They would up my dosage of pitocin every so often. It felt weird how many hours were starting to go by without really talking about a baby coming soon. My new nurse came in a few more times to up my pitocin until we were to the point where I was maxed out. We had also noticed that my pee was very dark and I wasn't relieving myself as much as I should be. When I said earlier I was hanging on to everything, I mean I was a sponge.
Now, at this point I was topped out on my pitocin, I had been in the hospital for a full 24 hours and now my epidural was not working at all. The pain was excruciating I am sure because all the water in the drain had run out and my little guy's fat head was clogging it and was wondering what the heck was going on. I was just laying there trying to push through, waiting and waiting for my Dr. to come in and say it was time to push. Again, she checked me and at that point had to stretch me to a four. She never said much about the time left and I never asked because I was afraid of pushing and didn't really want to know time limit to when I would be because I knew I would work myself up. She came in a couple more times to check and again had to stretch me back to a four. It had been a few more hours of just waiting and checking and waiting that I couldn't take it anymore and asked to see the anesthesiologist again since I was maxed out on the amount I could have fore my epidural. He visited and upped my dosage, but it didn't help. I wasn't progressing, my epidural wore off hours ago and the pain was REAL. Let me remind everyone I was checked in at 7:30 pm the night before and it was getting to be 9pm. It was decided that the monitoring they were doing of my contractions was not showing them what they needed to see, so they had to do the extensive route which was shove a monitor up there and track them that way. I was a little more relieved actually when they decided to do that because before when they were monitoring the contractions they looked like nothing, but the new way showed my contractions were pretty big ones and it just wasn't making sense as to why I wasn't getting past a four. I was soooo exhausted and thought for sure I was going to be the women who had a baby stuck in her permanently. My Dr. came in once again to check contractions and see where I was at, she said I was still at a four and she had to go deliver a baby next door, but would be back right after.
I remember thinking..."what? no she can't have her baby, I haven't had mine yet." Something I didn't mention before is there were four women being monitored at once and we all could watch each others contractions and one by one each monitor went away and we could hear happiness in another room until it was just me and this other mom...I was like seriously bummed. We had yet another nurse change. At this point the pain was to the max. My mom and mother in law kept watching the time to push the button to stay on track of making sure I got my dose for my epidural...They could only push it every fifteen minutes and they stuck to it. Bless them. Unfortunately it didn't touch the pain. It was around 10:30pm and I couldn't do it anymore. I could not handle my Dr. coming in and telling me there was no progression, I knew she would say that too and I was past my done point. I remember praying to help me stay strong and then I just lost it. I just wanted to go home and be done. This was not the magical moment I had been waiting for the last 9 months, this was just Hell. My mom left the room for a moment and returned with my Dr. I still remember pulling myself together as she was checking my chart and putting her gloves us, because as I had mentioned earlier I don't like to show vulnerability and clear as day I can still hear her say..."oh, you look so tired...'you know, you just aren't progressing. We have given it a good go at letting you progress on your own, but at this point, I wouldn't feel comfortable letting you go any longer and I think the best plan of action is a C-section." I nodded, waited for her to leave and then lost it. I just wanted Spencer and I kept saying, no C- section, please I don't want to. He just kept saying we get to have a baby and he was so sorry. I am sure if I had gotten more than an hours rest, or maybe even some rest a few days before this moment I would have realized it was going to be ok, but all I could think of was how hard it was to do my epidural and how we would need to have another needle stuck in my back for the surgery.
These nurses and Drs. wasted no time. They prepared me, got Spencer his gown and wheeled me into the operating room. The anesthesiologist said he knew exactly where he needed to be this time after what had happened earlier with the epidural, that he could do it quick and it would be easy. They got me on the operating table and soon it was go time. There were so many people and my hear was racing so fast, I was so scared and then I looked over and saw Spencer. He looked so tired and worried, but when he sat next to me a calmness rushed over me. My Dr. wasted no time and after a few pulls and a little whimper I heard "Do you want to see who's been causing all this trouble?" and this teeny, tiny little head popped over the curtain.
When I saw him for the first time, I could not connect that he just came out of my stomach. Like that little thing was mine. He was sooo cute and little, but big at the same time. I couldn't see much but Spencer was over helping with everything. I did catch a little glimpse and noticed he had thick black hair like his daddy (which was all I wanted) and he had his monkey toes curled toghether just like his dad would do to annoy me and that's when I knew, yep that boy is mine and he is going to give me hell, but I love him. Spencer brought him over to me and it was so surreal. I couldn't keep my eyes open so I had to shake my head back and forth to keep from falling asleep, but I could not miss a minute of him in his dad's arms. He was just perfect, he was so smiley and he was happy. Seeing Spencer look at our son and seeing this tiny little human we brought into this world together made my heart so full. Our lives were complete. The nurses asked us what his name was and we had both agreed on Hank, but after seeing his face and watching this little guys small personality we knew without a doubt at that moment he was not a Hank, he was Maverick James McMillan.
-Kayleen
I am not going to lie...it has taken me almost a full year to be able to write this out. If you have read my post on my mental state of pregnancy then you will know this was a really hard thing for me to go through. I hate being vulnerable and I am almost ashamed to say I used to not even be able to think about my birth story because it would have me in tears just to think back on. Now, of course I can see with open eyes how blessed we were to have everything work out the way it did and I will forever be grateful for every single person who had a helping hand in my labor and delivery story. Okay, before I go on I do want to say, when I was pregnant I always hated hearing everyone elses scary stories and pains, so if your a preggo right now, or are thinking about it, this was not an average story and a lot of the time everything goes as planned and a happy healthy baby arrives no problems!
Now a little back story here to kind of help you see what we had going on prior to labor. A couple weeks before, we were rushed to labor and delivery due to lack of movement of the baby and weak vitals. After spending a full day at the hospital monitoring him, we were released and told everything would be ok we would just need to go in to monitor him again. After that scare we were pretty nervous to have him arrive early. We had just decided to list our house on the market after renovating the last 7 months. We were running around like crazy and my husband had also just started his new position that required him to travel, which in turn had given me the role of taking care of house showings while being ready to pop. I had gained 90 pounds during my pregnancy and I was so swollen I had pockets hanging off my ankles. I got to the point where I started to retain everything. I was in so much pain and couldn't stand for very long due to the swelling. After I hit 36 weeks I started to have contractions and by my 37 week checkup I honestly did not think I could hold this baby boy in much longer.
The beginning of the week hit me like a truck, I had found out the night before my husband had to leave town one of my dear friends had passed away in an accident. The loss of a friend is a whole different kind of pain, you just want to txt them, or call them so you can hear them say it didn't happen, instead you hang on to all of the memories and wished you had appreciated simpler times a lot more. There was so much stress and pain mentally that I think I started to go into survival mode. My husband was gone for a few days and my contractions started to get to the point where I had to sit down in hopes they wouldn't progress while I was home alone.
Thursday morning came around and Spencer was going to be home later that night and even though I was still greiving, for some reason it felt like it was going to be a good day. I had my app and found out I was 80% efaced and 1 cm dilated. Since it was my first baby my Dr. informed me it might take a little longer and I could be like this for a few more days, or even a week. So I figured I would be fine to keep chugging along. Excitement did start to kick in though when I started talking to my mom and she told me what all that actually meant. I had a lot going on that day and had a showing an hour later so I ran home to pick up dirty clothes, clean mirrors and wipe down counter tops. As I was picking up a laundry hamper full of random items to run to my car I felt like I possibly peed myself. Like, I thought maybe I did just a little, but when I went to check on things nothing too crazy happened so I disregarded it...BAD MOVE KAYLEEN. I think deep down I knew what had happened, like my water definitely broke, but I had so much I still had to do that day that I just kept going. I got everything into my car and our fist showing of the day arrived and we had about 5 back to back, so I figured I would go to my aunt and uncles house to kill time. My Aunt and Uncle live about 35ish minutes away so I had some time to sit and actually take a minute to feel what was going on. I thought maybe my contractions where getting worse, or maybe I was just being a baby so I decided to call my mom. She started to time my contractions they were about 6-7 minutes apart, but were not lasting for too long, so we made a plan that once I got there to run to the bathroom and just check to see if I was leaking, because surely if my water had broke I would know. Once I got there I checked to make sure everything down there was good, (everything looked normal) but then I started to feel real crampy. I sat down and called Spencer to make sure he would get home a little sooner than later. I grabbed some food and just relaxed for a bit and just felt like something was a little off. A few hours past and Spence finally made it to my aunt and uncles. By the time he got there and we all had talked for a while and it was getting to be around dinner time. I still remember clear as day, my uncle invited us to stay for dinner and just as spencer had said "STEAKS, HECK YA!" I had the feeling clear to me that I needed to get to the hospital. I remember just saying no, I think we better go home and on our way we went to grab my hospital bag.
Once we got the house we collected our things and spruced up the house for showings the next morning. Now both of us kept saying we would be back and there was no way my water had broke because there was no sign of it we were just going to go to be safe. When we had arrived to the hospital our first nurse got us settled and started to ask what was going on. After talking with her and letting her check out (excuse me for this part) my pad to see if there were any signs of labor she commented there was no way my water been broken, there should be a lot more signs and the pad was completely dry, but she wanted to swab me just to make sure. Please keep in mind when I thought my water had broke it was 12:30 earlier that day and it was 7:30pm when we got to the hospital. Our nurse told us it might take a little for the results and so she was able to check in a couple of times, each time commenting on how she didn't think we would be staying tonight and me telling her we couldn't anyways because of how much we had going on. Well, let me tell ya...her face when she walked into our room for the third time with those results looked like..."OH MY GOSH, this lady just told me how much was going on and how she can't stay here and I have to tell her..." and sure enough she said "surprise!!! your staying"
okay, I literally went into shock. I started shaking and panicking and LITERALLY asked if I could just go home and come back when it started to hurt. Can you tell I had done my homework on deliveries? haha I didn't know a damn thing.
They wheeled me over to labor and delivery and got me all set up ready to go. Spencer was in shock just as much as me and trying to call our parents to get the two crazy grandmas on their way. While we were going through all the paperwork they decided to start my IV. I was so swollen however, they had to have an ULTRASOUND to find the vein in my arm. Yes, very pudgy arm for sure. That was not the only time that happened either.
My first delivery nurse was the sweetest older lady who helped calm my nerves. Seriously she was the best. Spencer had left to grab a few more things from home, so she kept me company and helped me understand what they heck I was about to do. By the time he got back and all the paperwork was done we wanted to try to induce labor naturally by walking around. It felt so insane to be walking around with spencer in the hallways with my monitor, I was like "yep, here I am in labor, its me having the baby tonight, not all you 36 weekers who are trying to have your early, noooo its my turn." I am not going to lie, I still felt like I just had period cramps, or something. The pain was not what I had expected at first. It wasn't until we found out my mom and Spencer's mom decided to drive through the night and Spencer decided to go to sleep that the pain really started. Every so often my nurse would come in and would have me get up and try sitting on the ball, or walking some more. So I would get up out of the bed walk a little and then move to the ball and try to just breath. After repeating this a few times I started to feel like I just wanted to lay down. We had only a few hours to get things going before we had to start pitocin, but at that point I wasn't too worried because I could feel pain. I think around 3 o clock the pain started to be a lot stronger and the contractions felt like sharp pains all throughout my whole body. I can't even explain well enough how it felt because I had never ever felt this kind of pain before. My nurse came in and asked if I wanted to try to get in the bath, or walk some more and by that I was really struggling, so I asked for an epidural. It took a couple of hours for the anesthesiologist to get to us, but when I saw his cart... man I was so ready for that freaking needle.
another disclaimer...I would get an epidural again, this one just did not go as planned and a lot of the time it goes perfectly!
After talking with me for a few minutes and explaining what was going on it was time to have my epidural. We still aren't exactly quite sure why, but for some reason I was not the easiest person to give one to. I honestly think it was because of how swollen I was. He tried four different times. It got to the point where my husband and my nurse had to push my shoulders and the anesthesiologist was pushing behind me just trying to get it to work. He would try, I would feel every bit of it and then he would pull it out. Each time he would pull it out he would ask me to bring my knees closer to my chest. I was like.... uhhhh hello, first of all Im fat with human and second of all I called you in here to take care of the pain, not make me work even harder, but I could not talk and I honestly thought at one point I would rather him not give me the epidural because with the pain of the contractions, trying to stay still in a curled up ball and feeling the needle work its way in my back for the last 45 minutes with no success, it surely must be easier to just skip it all together. They did ask my husband if he wanted to leave the room when things started to get a little bit more agressive. Thank the heavens he said no and my nurse was amazing. I honestly felt like she was feeling everything I was feeling and kept me calm. After one final attempt and feeling that stupid needle crack its way in, it finally happened! He got it to work and I was able to relax. As all of this was happening our moms had shown up and tried to get into the room in the middle of everything, but were told to leave. My nurse let them know she would come get them when we were ready for visitors. When I say my nurse was amazing, I mean I love her. She got me all situated and said "now you have had a long night, that was not easy and so I will let them come in and talk for five minutes, but then I am kicking everyone out and you are going to sleep." I do not think my mom, or Spencer's mom would have not let me sleep, but it was an exciting time and I know I would have stayed up to talk to everyone and enjoy the party, so to hear I didn't have to keep my eyes open for more than five minutes made me the happiest girl in the world!
I maybe slept an hour.
I couldn't feel the contractions any, but they were on the monitor so we would watch. They didn't look like very big ones and for the most part I was ok other than pressure down below. After a little while they started me on pitocin and we had a nurse change. Things were still going okay, I was pretty uncomfortable and just had a catheter put in so I was kind of getting adjusted and trying to get sleep where I could. They needed to switch IVs again so I needed to have another ultrasound done on my fat arm to find the vein and by then I was just uncomfortable and bored. I was scared out of my mind, but kind of like...I didn't feel like anything was happening. I kept thinking I was progressing and just didn't even know it because in my head I should be screaming when I was getting closer, but I was just uncomfortable, so part of me was a little confused. When my Dr. would come in every few hours I was still at the same 2cm dilated. However, even though I was already uncomfortable the pain started to get worse. I could start to feel my contractions again. My mom and mother in law came to talk to us and that helped distract me for a bit. They would up my dosage of pitocin every so often. It felt weird how many hours were starting to go by without really talking about a baby coming soon. My new nurse came in a few more times to up my pitocin until we were to the point where I was maxed out. We had also noticed that my pee was very dark and I wasn't relieving myself as much as I should be. When I said earlier I was hanging on to everything, I mean I was a sponge.
Now, at this point I was topped out on my pitocin, I had been in the hospital for a full 24 hours and now my epidural was not working at all. The pain was excruciating I am sure because all the water in the drain had run out and my little guy's fat head was clogging it and was wondering what the heck was going on. I was just laying there trying to push through, waiting and waiting for my Dr. to come in and say it was time to push. Again, she checked me and at that point had to stretch me to a four. She never said much about the time left and I never asked because I was afraid of pushing and didn't really want to know time limit to when I would be because I knew I would work myself up. She came in a couple more times to check and again had to stretch me back to a four. It had been a few more hours of just waiting and checking and waiting that I couldn't take it anymore and asked to see the anesthesiologist again since I was maxed out on the amount I could have fore my epidural. He visited and upped my dosage, but it didn't help. I wasn't progressing, my epidural wore off hours ago and the pain was REAL. Let me remind everyone I was checked in at 7:30 pm the night before and it was getting to be 9pm. It was decided that the monitoring they were doing of my contractions was not showing them what they needed to see, so they had to do the extensive route which was shove a monitor up there and track them that way. I was a little more relieved actually when they decided to do that because before when they were monitoring the contractions they looked like nothing, but the new way showed my contractions were pretty big ones and it just wasn't making sense as to why I wasn't getting past a four. I was soooo exhausted and thought for sure I was going to be the women who had a baby stuck in her permanently. My Dr. came in once again to check contractions and see where I was at, she said I was still at a four and she had to go deliver a baby next door, but would be back right after.
I remember thinking..."what? no she can't have her baby, I haven't had mine yet." Something I didn't mention before is there were four women being monitored at once and we all could watch each others contractions and one by one each monitor went away and we could hear happiness in another room until it was just me and this other mom...I was like seriously bummed. We had yet another nurse change. At this point the pain was to the max. My mom and mother in law kept watching the time to push the button to stay on track of making sure I got my dose for my epidural...They could only push it every fifteen minutes and they stuck to it. Bless them. Unfortunately it didn't touch the pain. It was around 10:30pm and I couldn't do it anymore. I could not handle my Dr. coming in and telling me there was no progression, I knew she would say that too and I was past my done point. I remember praying to help me stay strong and then I just lost it. I just wanted to go home and be done. This was not the magical moment I had been waiting for the last 9 months, this was just Hell. My mom left the room for a moment and returned with my Dr. I still remember pulling myself together as she was checking my chart and putting her gloves us, because as I had mentioned earlier I don't like to show vulnerability and clear as day I can still hear her say..."oh, you look so tired...'you know, you just aren't progressing. We have given it a good go at letting you progress on your own, but at this point, I wouldn't feel comfortable letting you go any longer and I think the best plan of action is a C-section." I nodded, waited for her to leave and then lost it. I just wanted Spencer and I kept saying, no C- section, please I don't want to. He just kept saying we get to have a baby and he was so sorry. I am sure if I had gotten more than an hours rest, or maybe even some rest a few days before this moment I would have realized it was going to be ok, but all I could think of was how hard it was to do my epidural and how we would need to have another needle stuck in my back for the surgery.
These nurses and Drs. wasted no time. They prepared me, got Spencer his gown and wheeled me into the operating room. The anesthesiologist said he knew exactly where he needed to be this time after what had happened earlier with the epidural, that he could do it quick and it would be easy. They got me on the operating table and soon it was go time. There were so many people and my hear was racing so fast, I was so scared and then I looked over and saw Spencer. He looked so tired and worried, but when he sat next to me a calmness rushed over me. My Dr. wasted no time and after a few pulls and a little whimper I heard "Do you want to see who's been causing all this trouble?" and this teeny, tiny little head popped over the curtain.
When I saw him for the first time, I could not connect that he just came out of my stomach. Like that little thing was mine. He was sooo cute and little, but big at the same time. I couldn't see much but Spencer was over helping with everything. I did catch a little glimpse and noticed he had thick black hair like his daddy (which was all I wanted) and he had his monkey toes curled toghether just like his dad would do to annoy me and that's when I knew, yep that boy is mine and he is going to give me hell, but I love him. Spencer brought him over to me and it was so surreal. I couldn't keep my eyes open so I had to shake my head back and forth to keep from falling asleep, but I could not miss a minute of him in his dad's arms. He was just perfect, he was so smiley and he was happy. Seeing Spencer look at our son and seeing this tiny little human we brought into this world together made my heart so full. Our lives were complete. The nurses asked us what his name was and we had both agreed on Hank, but after seeing his face and watching this little guys small personality we knew without a doubt at that moment he was not a Hank, he was Maverick James McMillan.
-Kayleen
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